Reducing Conflict in Children: Lessons From Larry Aber

September 21, 2011

This blog continues my series on the child development researchers and neuroscientists who have genuinely inspired me in my 11-year journey to create Mind in the Making. Their work is truly "research to live by."

I am sharing the story of J. Lawrence (Larry) Aber of New York University because his studies provide important insights into reducing conflict and aggression in children, an issue of great importance in our conflict-laden world. But I am also sharing his story because it illustrates the principle that in research -- as in life -- there can be many missteps before the right path is found.

In fact, this is one of the things that I most love about conducting research myself: it is an adventure. Like scaling a mountain peak or kayaking in rough waters, the researcher sets out on a journey, armed with experience and knowledge, but never fully knowing what he or she might find. Sometimes the path is clear, but usually it's fraught with uncertainty, unexpected challenges and wrong turns.

The experiences of Larry Aber of New York University illustrate this point. In studying of aggression in children, Larry Aber had findings from his and others' research, but they weren't very strong findings. So he too kept looking.

Helping Children Thrive When Faced With Setbacks: Lessons From Carol Dweck

September 06, 2011

 This blog is the second in a series to share the research of child development researchers and neuroscientists who have genuinely inspired me in my 11-year journey to create "Mind in the Making". Their work is truly "research to live by."

I am sharing the story of Carol Dweck of Stanford University because her studies provide important insights into unlocking the secrets of the children who don't wilt in the face of setbacks. Like many researchers, she can trace her passion for her work to a childhood experience -- in this case a fear of losing her seat in the front of her grade school class. As she tells it:

If I had to trace this back, I'd trace it back to my sixth-grade class. Our teacher, Mrs. Wilson, seated us around the room in IQ order. She thought that your IQ score summarized you -- not just your intelligence, but your character as well. She would not let a lower-IQ student carry a note to the principal, erase the blackboard, or carry the flag in the assembly.

 

I was so aware of how I had loved to learn before, but in that class, it was "look smart at all costs." I was fascinated with people who could take on something difficult, roll with the punches, get up again, start again. I was fascinated by resilience, so I just wanted to figure it out.

Helping Children to Learn to Take on Challenges

August 31, 2011

I am beginning a series to share the findings of child development researchers and neuroscientists who have genuinely inspired me in my 11-year journey to create"Mind in the Making." Their research is truly "research to live by."

The first person I'm writing about is Heidelise Als of Harvard University, because her studies are so instructive in how we can help children deal with challenges and learn to become stronger as a result. Perhaps surprisingly, learning this skill doesn't just happen when children are older. Als' research is with pre-term babies born 10 to 12 weeks before their due date -- the most fragile babies in neonatal intensive care units. When adults watch what young children do to cope successfully and then create situations where they can do more of the same, the process for learning to take on challenges is seeded.

Fast-Tracking to Kindergarten? How About a Good Track to Learning in Kindergarten and Beyond?

May 23, 2011

An article in the New York Times by Kate Zernike presents two divergent views of early education. One taken at Kumon preschool enrichment programs is of a child, just out of diapers, sitting at a table writing the numbers 42, 43, 12, and 13; of a three-year old learning to read; and of a six year old able to recite the past, present and future tense of the word "practice." It is a world of work sheets, of drill and practice, all motivated by external rewards, like extra stickers.

The other is a world of young children playing with mixing bowls on kitchen floors, in sandboxes and balancing blocks, calculating how tall to make a block building.

In the middle of these two worlds are the parents. In the article, parents describe themselves as uncertain about how to provide the best education for their young children, but quite certain about not wanting them to "be behind the curve" when starting kindergarten, of wanting their children to be able to compete. They are quite certain that education is the key to a successful life. These parents are ready to give up other things, even during a recession, to ensure their children have a good early education. One parent quoted in the article said, "I'm scared for the future of our country. These children are going to be central to our social security, to our political decisions."

These are the two divergent views of education that have been pitted against each other for decades -- either of pouring knowledge into children to build bigger and better brains or of putting them out in the sunshine and giving them opportunities to explore and play.

The Right Kind of Praise Can Make a Difference

May 16, 2011

Every semester, I post a sign on my office door for one week: "It's that time of year. Please do not disturb unless urgent." It is the marker to others, and to myself, that the end of the semester is near. While students stay awake studying and writing, professors are up reading and grading. In academia, it is the storm before the calm.

When I was a student, the call of spring seemed tantalizing, but tolerable; I could take in small bits and still be productive.

Three decades later, neither my body nor my mind can work efficiently in an unstructured environment. By the time I set up a cushioned chair to support my back, don a baseball hat and sunglasses to allow me to see my laptop screen without glare, put on SPF 80 sunscreen and take Advil for a possible "sun headache" … the great outdoors somehow loses its appeal.

Instead, I sit on a comfortable, supported chair in a quiet, air conditioned library and gaze out the window at a world in full bloom. My mind wanders to being outside, but for graduation, not grading. I imagine the graduates sitting before me, surrounded on the hillside by proud parents, family and friends. I wonder about each of their paths to arrive at this day, and their journeys yet unknown. I think about my own.

At Vassar, graduation tends to be an oddly appropriate event. Usually, praise and acclimations bestowed upon the graduates are related to effort and hard work, perseverance and resiliency. Authentic accomplishments are recognized, not only in the graduates but in the commencement speaker's own life work.

The roads, rivers and superhighways beyond the college's main gate are not portrayed like a rainbow path on a Candyland game board. No one hands out a road map. Diplomas are not stamped with "certificate of guaranteed success."

And not once have I heard the words, "You did it! You're so smart!"

So what's this got to do with a column on parenting in the early years? Everything.